Have you ever heard someone when they first learn to curse? They often say cuss words out of context or just at random. It’s hard not to laugh. I feel like a silly cursing pre-teen when I try to talk to others about women circles. For example, yesterday I was talking to two friends at my son’s school about Nature Song and how I had started a women’s circle. From the look on their faces, I could tell they’d never heard of them before. So I thought, here’s my moment to share with someone the wonders of meeting together with women in this way. Unfortunately for me, it was like I was spitting out random sentences of curse words. I started with, “we learn about goddesses.” This made them to giggle and made me want to explain how we really don’t learn about goddesses but more like we “learn about our feminine and masculine sides.” This caused more giggles. By the end, I was saying random things like connecting and intentional and couldn’t stop. It was one big mess. I didn’t take it personal and I never felt like they were laughing at me but more along the lines of look at this cute and silly girl trying to explain something.
I think with anything that is new, it takes time to really wrap your head around what and why you are doing something. There is a learning curve. I feel that way with all the changes that have currently taken place in my life and it doesn’t just end with women circles. I have become more spiritual and see things differently than I did, even a year ago. Wrapping my head around what I believe and don’t believe is big. For so long, I have been told what to believe in and how I should act. Without this security blanket I feel like I’m often the cussing preteen on a quest of becoming my own. One day I hope to break free of trying so hard and just speak. Maybe someday I speak slightly like the potty-mouth I’ve tried so hard to clean up.